Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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