your parents love me but you hate me
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
