I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
