This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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