Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
