wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
