Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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