I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
