Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
