Don't make out with my wife yet
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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