he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
