Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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