Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
