There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize