We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
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we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
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So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.