this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
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Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
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A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.