so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?