happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?