Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect