Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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