I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
