I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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