when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
