just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
