I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
