I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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