You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
