Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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