I smell stomach acid.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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