you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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