tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I faked an abortion last night.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
