Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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