I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
