you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
