I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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