just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
