My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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