worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
