Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
