yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
