Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
