sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize