You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
