I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
