So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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