tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Randomize
