Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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