Cold hands, warm shart.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
