Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
