Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
