also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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