Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
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He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize