im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
