Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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