If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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