All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She even gives head with a lisp.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
