either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
