ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
