I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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