so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
