It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
