youre lurking in front of me
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
