i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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