as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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