I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
