WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
