I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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