Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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