He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
